The goal of every animal on planet Earth is to create offspring that will be able to survive on their own. This is particularly difficult for human beings, as our societies are so complex that there are many skills required to survive. Any parent will tell you how difficult it is to raise children to be self-sufficient contributing members of society. I remember being in my 20s after having a child, listening to a friend complain about her life being over because her skiing vacation didn’t work out as expected. After having children, our brains seem remapped to reconsider what is important. We must even change our behaviors and refrain from anything that might take us away from our responsibilities. For myself, the day after I found out I was going to be a parent, I gave away my motorcycle. I knew that everyone who owned a bike would eventually be in some accident. Everyone makes that choice, but I felt I could no longer decide when to make my final exit.
You, as the reader, if you are a parent, are likely agreeing with me. Where you won’t agree is that from my perspective, if your children were “normal,” I think your job was comparatively easy. Parents who have children who are not physically “normal” or neurotypical have many more challenges and enormous heartache.
From my perspective, one of the most difficult challenges is raising a child who is not neurotypical to his or her potential. This requires a great leap of faith since you don’t know what someone’s potential is until you reach it. In the United States, it is a law that every child deserves an education that will bring him or her to his or her potential. However, like everything in the United States, how far the child will go depends on the financial resources available. Even though you may live in a town that has a good school system, they may not be able to accommodate you. This town is obligated to pay for whatever expenses are required to help your child. But school systems are not budgeted for this, and we’ll do anything they can to avoid the cost.
Sadly, children cannot help themselves it is up to the parent to be aggressive enough to get the child what they need. It often requires legal representation and a great deal of determination. Not everyone has the personality to handle this.
Since I was a child, my life has been one conflict after another, so when confronted with this situation, I was surprised that I had difficulty navigating the system. I was in a very complex situation with a lot of variables, and it seemed like everyone was against me. Still, I persevered, and the end result was what anyone would want: a child who could thrive in American society. In other words, I had to become an (insert polite word for asshole).
I remember when my child went off to college. I was sitting in my office thinking about this. While most would enjoy their success, I think differently than most. I remember thinking that if my God-given talent is that I am an * then I should go pro! Many nice parents cannot put aside civility and become the animal they must be to get through the system. I had spent years helping other parents do the same thing I was doing, but what about kids who were removed from their families and are being raised by people in the Department of Children and Families? Government workers could do any need-related physical thing, but arguing with other government employees over a child is beyond them. I looked into a program called Special Education Surrogate Parent. SESP’s as they are called, are people who become the legal parent of a child under government control regarding their education.
I trained and was certified as SESP and, being me, requested the most difficult cases. However I could not separate myself and was deeply involved emotionally in some very bad situations.